The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
