Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
