Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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