can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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