dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
