Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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