420 ftw
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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