i just had sex bonerless
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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