You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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