The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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