No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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