i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
