I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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