that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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