i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
