I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
