he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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