it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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