Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this just has baby written all over it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
