he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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