Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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