You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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