Life is so much better after having sex.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
