Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
