Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
