Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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