Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling my apartment porn island.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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