whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well I just put wine in my tea
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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