I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
