its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
