Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
