im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
