It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
