I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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