that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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