he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize