wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
