Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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