wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
