honey bunches of taint.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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