So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
