Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
