she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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