I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
