It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
