Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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