I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
