it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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