The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
