Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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