We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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