Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
