Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
