we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
