I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
