I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
