the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
