i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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