I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
