Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
