I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just cut my nipple shaving
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
