she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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