it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
