so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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