Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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