you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
