doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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