I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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